I need some space...
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(This is a sticky post, please find current news items below) By Marie D in Anything about Everything |
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It's My Life is the first blog I have created, and I have enjoyed writing it, but right now I feel like I am neglecting it.
I have started another blog in April, that I write in French, and that is far much shallow than the one you are reading here - a girl needs to be superficial sometimes. That other blog is growing fast, and it is as time-consuming as it is exciting.
I don't want to give up on It's My Life, though. But working on 2 different blog platforms is not easy, so I have decided to move. I enjoy Terapad, with which virtually anything is doable, and whose help-desk and support is really great, but there are needs that are better satisfied on another platform, like more templates. (I have no time to write blog posts now, let alone hand-code CSS!)
From now on, you will find me here. So please, update your bookmarks.
I am in the (slow) process of manually moving my blog posts to this new version of It's My Life, but this is taking time. And I cannot move your precious comments. So this version 1 is going to stay online, at least for a while.
Thanks again for reading my blog.
Marie D.
I don't believe in online dating.
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Sunday, 05 August 07 - 04:14 PM (GMT) By Marie D in Relationships aka tricky category |
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Sometimes, my friends would ask me how comes I am still single.
Although I hope to meet my Mr Right some day, I like where I am in life right now, and people around me do not always understand that. But still, the not meeting the right guy is probably the main reason.
Of course, there will always be someone to tell me that if meeting men is the problem, it can easily be solved. With a few clicks, on an online dating service. Ah, what cannot be solved online these days?
The truth is, I gave it a try a few years ago. I have no horrible story to tell about meeting total jerks, or guy who had lied about their age or appearance, or married guys looking for an affair... I only met men who were alone and looking for their significant other, just as I was. But it didn't work.
At first I thought it just didn't work out for me: I was finding it hard to be online very day, available for anybody who wanted to talk because well, you never know, the one you turned down could have been the right one. I was finding it hard to have 3 dates with 3 different guys on the same week. And I was finding it hard to decide which one of those guys I liked best. If I liked any, that is.
So I gave up.
It was one year later that I read several articles on the subject, and began to think about my experience again. And this is how I see it now (and sociologists see things the same way). When you enter that see full of fish, you look for someone who shares your interests because you need something to start a conversation. Oh, that guy likes Fiona Apple and Bruce Willis, too, I am going to contact him! And of course the standard questionaire we fill in when we subscribe are full of information of that kind. So we look for someone like us.
But look around you, look at the happy couples, ask them what they love about each other. I bet they won't tell you that having a favourite actor in common made their relationship last. Actually, it is their fundamental differences that brought them together and made them a good match. One of my friends'husband finds it hard to make any decision; he says that what he loves about his wife, is that she can always decide what to do so quiclky. Unlike him. My best friend, before she had her kids, told me she thought she was going to be a terrible mother because she's so anxious, but that it was OK because her husband would be a great father. Unlike her, she thought.
What we need in a long-lasting relationship, what we crave for, is someone to give us a hand and help us walk when all we want to do is sit on the side of the road and stay there for ever. And vice versa. And that is something you cannot look for in those standard questionaire.
You will probably tell me that you know someone who met their significant other online. Actually my colleague just married a guy she met online. She kept looking for 3 years, so I guess if you look long enough and have a bit of luck, you might find a partner this way.
But I am convinced that looking for someone this way is mostly unproductive and leaves a lot to luck.
Grabbing onto things.
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Monday, 30 July 07 - 04:37 PM (GMT) By Marie D in Anything about Everything |
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I just finished decluttering my wardrobe. This is something I don't do often, but these last weeks, I was upset by the fact that finding the pieces I was looking for, was taking me way too much time. So I decided that was something I would do during my holidays, hence my project for this afternoon.
I must admit I am getting rid of about 35% of my items, possibly more. How is that possible?
Well, first of all, I still own a lot of things I was wearing pre- Weight Watchers, and these are now 3 sizes above my current one. It's been 2 years since the end of my diet, it is time I let fat me go. On top of that, there were some very expensive pieces among those now too big clothes, and I have no equivalent for that in my current size. Somehow, having them in the closet was tricking me into thinking I was still owning that kind of cloth in case I needed them. Now I really don't have them.
There are the things I bought for some bad reason, when they didn't really fit me or were not my style, and that I am keeping because I feel guilty to have spent money on them and hardly ever wore them. So I keep them in the hope one day I change my mind and realize they're great, I guess.
And then there were the very old things. The dress I bought with my best friend when we were 15. It's green, and my friend owned the same in blue. I am 30 now, of course I am not going to wear it again, and I am sure my friend got rid of hers years ago.
There's that other dress I wore during a trip in Italy in 1999. A perfect white dress. It doesn't fit anymore – putting on weight then losing it changed my figure, I can't zip that dress anymore although I am back to the same weight.
The truth is, when it comes to throwing away things, letting things go, I always feel bad. I feel as if I am letting go the associated memories as well. I never look at those things, but I know they're in the closet and that's comforting.
I do the same with all things in general. There was a time I was findin it hard to throw away a movie theatre ticket. Wherever I went I would buy any stupid souvenir just to have an object to remind me of that place and time. Then I woul almost never look at it, but they would be there just in case.
That's why I was keeping those clothes, too: just in case. In case I'd like to wear them again, or just look at them. Just in case in 6 months or in 2 years, I would regret having thrown them away.
But now it is time to let them go.
I did a bit of research on this, because I was curious to know if I am the only one doing this.
Happiness Project writes: « For me, clearing clutter is a key in striving to be happier. Outer order makes it much easier for me to find inner serenity. Not to mention that it's easier to find my keys. »
NotMe also feels my pain « For some, getting rid of stuff is easy enough. For others, it can be a real emotional undertaking. Memories are usually attached to everything we own and, because of this, can be difficult to let go. However, with a motivated, enthusiastic approach, the task is like wiping down that kitchen fridge so it sparkles back at you. It just makes you feel good. »
Made of Glass talks about how « clothes make the man », and finds the right attitude: « and last week, I wore a shirt that I have had since junior year of high school. high school. I have had the shirt almost 15 years. And you know what? I put it on and wore it to work. and felt lame the entire day. I did not enjoy wearing it.
That was that. This weekend, I got rid of it, along with some t-shirts, ties and some other shirts. I have taken the (long-overdue) approach of ‘if I don’t like wearing it, get rid of it’. There is no reason to feel less than good. There is no reason to hold on to items I will never wear or wear out of some sort of perverse guilt. »
The words are out: no perverse guilt.
Blogging yourself out of debt
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Sunday, 29 July 07 - 01:55 PM (GMT) By Marie D in Anything about Everything |
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According to Anya Kamenetz, author of Generation Debt, twenty-somehtings are now the most indebted generation in Modern History.
College studies cost a lot, and when you enter the workforce, you are already in debt, sometimes for hundreds of thousands dollars. Credit cards are given to practically anyone, social pressure can make young adults take bad money decisions, and those cards are maxed out in no time.
I went through this painful process myself. When I started working, I didn't make much, because I was working for a small company that didn't give big salaries or many benefits, but I was convinced I was lucky enough already to have a job. I was surrounded by people who were older than me and pressured to leave my parent's place, become an independant adult myself, and come live closer to my work place. So I took the decision to go live on my own, and within 6 months, I was in debt. I remember having had to pay for food with my Visa. I remember a particular Winter where I wore only 2 sweaters, bought with a credit card, and a pair of black tennis shoes from previous Summer, because I didn't have the money for Winter shoes.
Now years later, I often think about that time. Actually I kept these 2 sweaters in my cupboard for a long time, in order to remember that time and make myself manage money wisely. And I still have a few thousands € to pay off.
That made me think about how we learn to manage money when we are kids. And I think I simply did not. Actually, my mom started giving me money when I was about 6 or 7 – maybe like 50p a week. Sometimes I would ask her to give me more in advance, that was credit without interest to pay, and she would accept.
But for the rest, my parents were very wise with money management without having had someone teaching them – lucky people – I think they never thougt I could not be the same. So we never really talked about money. Sometimes I would do shopping with mom and she would say « you spend a lot, I am worried » and I would answer « don't worry » because I really believed things were under control, even when they were not.
I am not blaming my parents at all, they just did not realize what happened and after all, I was all grown-up and independant already.
It is on the web I realized I was one among many. At that time, there already were a couple of message boards about money management, debt support, even bankruptcy on iVillage.com. And nowadays, debt is all over the blogosphere.
Here are just a few examples:
Maxed Out Gen says « Millions of people are caught in the trap of credit dependence. There is a silent epidemic of shame and anxiety because our society perpetuates the belief that this problem is self-inflicted, that people who have debts are deadbeats. Meanwhile, credit card companies keep coming up with new ways to deceive us and to keep us locked in debt, with the help of our lawmakers. This blog explores the human side of debt, what the credit industry doesn't want us to know, and strategies for survival. »
Blogging Away Debt tells the journey of Tricia as she and her family are getting out of debt. « I’ve decided to take all the steps that I need to take to finally become debt-free. I am going to use this blog to chart my progress as well as share information that I have learned along the way. I think debt is something that is crippling many of us. Once we get in debt, it is so hard to get out of. »
And there are many more others.
And sometimes, luckily, people will success. Like this poster on No Limit Ladies
There is hope for our generation who is trapped by the debt trick as soon as they enter adult age.
The wisest things I have read/learned about debt/money management is:
- do not use credit to buy something that is not going to gain value. A house loan is ok, but not a car loan. Do not even think about getting a credit card to pay for food or buy a fancy new TV
- cut all your credit cards into small pieces, put them on a bowl in your kitchen or living-room and look at them every time you need courage or are tempted to get a new credit; you have to start somewhere and there is no such thing as getting out of debt while keeping even one « just in case » credit card
- look for help; you are not alone and you are not responsible for not having been taught how to manage money and debt – after all we are surrounded by offers for more credit like it's something everybody else does so why shouldn't we? There are people who know what you're going through and you can benefit from their experience.
But there is work, too, on teaching our kids how not to do the same mistakes again.
20 days a year
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Thursday, 26 July 07 - 05:15 PM (GMT) By Marie D in The big bad corporate world |
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I started thinking about this more after having read a post on an iVillage board, where a 36 yo woman was asking: « am I the only one who works to live? My life happens from 7 to 10 PM and on week-ends. » And really, I can say, too, that my life happens during 3 hours at night and those 20 days of vacation I am getting each year (if you live in the US, please replace 20 by 10, and I guess the feeling will apply even more).
I can't help but thinking: what a waste. I don't hate my job, there are things in it that I really like doing and that helps me deal with the other boring stuff. But still, if I didn't need to get the money that job allows me to make, I would probably stop going there in a minute.
I would probably not stay inactive, but I would find ways to work on something I like without having to make it rentable. I would use all my time for the things I care the most about: family, friends, culture, and my passions: writing and webdesign.
I think this example is even more freaking: a colleague of mine uses these 20 days a year to travel abroad where all her family lives. She spends 340 days a year waiting for that moment and missing her folks. And I think this is really unfair.
Of course we all have to work. But my Finnish colleagues get 42 days of vacation each year. That's almost 2 whole months. Of course it costs more money to the finnish companies, but I do think they are benefiting from people who do not have to squezze the important things in their life into 2 or 4 weeks a year.
Don't you have that feeling sometimes, that the unimportant things are taking more and more place and that your life only gets what is left? Or is your job your life?
PowerPoint and I, we are getting a divorce.
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Tuesday, 17 July 07 - 07:12 PM (GMT) By Marie D in I'm a girl, but I'm a geek |
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Warning: this post contains explicit details of my relationship my with soon-to-be ex.
I heart PowerPoint. I started using it when I was a student, I think around 1997. At that time most people didn't know it existed, outside the business world.
At first I was shy, just writing a couple of key words on a few slides. Then I started falling in love and I wanted more - that's how girls are. I got a glimpse of all its nice features: the transition effects, the sounds, even the programmed buttons and hyperlinks. We had passion. PowerPoint came along with me when I presented my thesis to the jury in college, and we did a great impression.
Then came corporate world, and I must say, if I am good at one thing in business, it is making presentation. That was so easy, with my beloved PowerPoint.
Everyone knew about us and our great relationship.
Event at home, when I switched to Mac 4 years ago, I couldn't leave PowerPoint for Keynote. Keynote was nice, but it was just a fling.
Of course, people (hum, softwares) change, and PowerPoint was getting older, more mature, a bit different, but always the same old one I had always known.
Until recently. Maybe it's mid-life crisis, but that much change came unexpected to me. I changed jobs in April, got a brand new PC, and there it was: PowerPoint 2007, all brand new.
At first I got curious about its new features: new templates that look young and professional. New styles and color sets.
But then came hell. I got used to the "office button" because it's on every Office program and I had to deal with it. Still, I don't like it much.
That ribbon idea, it got me confused. Where, oh where were my buttons and menus??
And then came the worse: thinks that I really liked in PowerPoint, things that were making my life easy, were gone. The drawing bar, gone. The selection pointer, gone. When I want to draw 10 lines, I need to go to the insert/shapes menu and click on the line button and draw ONE line and DO IT ALL AGAIN. That makes me crazy.
And I haven't even tried to apply effects to objects or transitions between slides, yet.
I am telling you, PowerPoint and I, it's over.
Thing is, we are going to have to keep on leaving together for a little while. I can't pay the rent do my job on my own without it.
Women rules.
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Thursday, 12 July 07 - 07:48 PM (GMT) By Marie D in The big bad corporate world |
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« So, now you work for a company managed by a women » - that's how a supplier I was meeting for the first time after starting my new job, initiated the conversation.
My first thought was « so what? ». My previous job was at a small business owned by a woman, and the job before that within a strategic department managed by a woman, in an international company. So why on hearth would I give any thought to the fact that my CEO is a woman?
Then this morning, while I was gaving an interview with my boss to a business magazine journalist, my boss was introducing the company profile and he said « our CEO is a woman ». There we were again.
It reminded me of the excellent theories of Tom Peters on the subject.
Women, he says, are driving the economic growth. More than the internet. More than China or India. And it couldn't be otherwise: women buy most of the fast moving consumer goods; the men in their life do not even think about those purchases. About 85% of Unilever products are bought by a woman.
When a guy needs a pair of new pats, he'll spend 10 minutes and 40$ to solve the problem. A woman will spend 3 hours at the mall and make it a 800$ shopping session. Now who is making our companies grow?
That's just clothes and food, that's girl stuff, you might be thinking. But women have their word when buying a car or a house. Actually, when they are single, they buy cars and houses on their own. And still, as written by J.T. Halter: « She knows more about the [Volvo] than the salesman who greets her at the door. But how is she treated? As if she has a low IQ , is slightly hard of hearing, and really has no right to be buying a luxury car; and if she brought a male friend with her, odds are 10:1 that the clueless salesperson spent most of his time speaking to him. »
And I can tell you it is totally true, I will never forget that time I entered a BMW retailer and couldn't get one salesman to give me information. (NB: I didn't buy them a car). I will never forget when I signed a contract with my electricity supplier and the guy asked me if I was sure I didn't want to discuss this with my husband first. (For the record, I am single, but I know for sure I need that electricity, thanks).
And that is the way women are treated in business, too. Althoug today:
- 48% of US companies are owned or managed by women
- the growth rate of companies owned by a women is 3 times the rate of other companies
- Since 1970, women have held 2 out of 3 new jobs created.
That is a lot of women in management positions, don't you think?
So really, I think it is high time we stop thinking that women being successfull and rich and powerfull are something to mention, because really, it happens everyday.
In fact I shouldn't even have to write this post.
Marketing to selfish idiots.
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Monday, 09 July 07 - 07:06 PM (GMT) By Marie D in Anything about Everything |
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Warning: you might find yourself falling under the selfish idiot category, but I am one, too, so I'm not saying this to be mean.
We had this conversation at lunchtime at work today: one of my colleague said he is going to buy a new dishwasher. The one he has had so far needs 33 liters of water for one service. But he saw one brand new model that only needs 16 liters. But this one costs much more. So he did a little calculation, and considering water is cheap, he would only save a few hundreds of dollars a year, and his conclusion is that buying the expensive model is not worth it.
I said ok, but if you save a few hundred of liters a year, and another million people does the same by buying this kind of dishwasher, we could save billions of liters of water every year, and that makes a difference.
Yes, he said, but I am willing to save the planet only if it saves me money, too.
That thing about the collective effort being worth it, I wouldn't have said it one week ago. But I read an article on Seth Godin's blog about how hard it is to market for that kind of cause, because most people think in terms of immediate advantage for themselves, and never see the big picture.
For example, they would calculate that buying the expensive, more environment-friendly car, would only save them 300$ of petrol each year, so they think it is not worth it and go for the other fancy cheaper car. They never think of how much petrol could be saved if another millio people chose the "clean" car.
We all act this way. We might take a collective transportation to go to a "live earth" concert that will make us environment-aware for a couple of days, but then, are we going to make efforts to save water and electricity in our every-day life? Probably not, because we think our very own little effort does not make a difference.
Well, it does. You just need to look at it from a broader perspective.
The awful truth about milk.
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Tuesday, 03 July 07 - 08:58 PM (GMT) By Marie D in The big bad corporate world |
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A big debate has been going on for a long time between those who think we should drink milk and eat dairy (and the industry is on that side) and those who say that milk is for calves and babies. A variation around the same theme is a theory according to which the structure of milk has been modified by changes in the feeding of the cows, and that would be why there are more and more allergies.
I am not a doctor, but I have been studying the lactose intolerance issue recently.
This is something different from milk allergy: an allergy is an absurd immune response to a product, in this case a protein contained in the milk. Lactose intolerance is different.
See, lactose is a disaccharide, a "double sugar", present in milk and dairy. Your body cannot assimilate it, that is why we have an enzyme called lactase, whose job is to break the lactose into two simple sugars that can be assimilated and used by our body.
This is common to all mammalians. And the other common point is that, starting at age 2 (for humans, at least), our body gradually decreases its production of lactase. Why? Because in theory, past the age of 2, we eat other things than milk. So what happen if we drink milk or eat dairy when we don't have that enzyme? The lactose goes directly into the bowel, it stays there because it cannot be assimilated, until the moment the bowel bacteria will start metabolizing it to declutter the place, and here come the cramps, bloating, and other symptoms I am not going to describe here.
We are genetically programmed not to digest milk and dairy after our early years. Now you're going to tell me that you drink liters of milk without getting sick? Or people around you? That's very much possible. Some populations, coming from Northern Europe, have undergone a genetic mutation thousands of years ago, that made them produce the lactase enzyme at adult age.
Mathematically speaking, these people are the exception. Lactose tolerance is the exception. Among other populations, the situation is different: 95% of Asians are lactose intolerant, as well as 95% of Latinos. 80% of black people are lactose intolerant. That is a lot of people.
Of course the dairy industry doesn't talk about this too much. Nor does the food industry in general, that uses lactose in very different products like bread. If you experience bad digestion and are part of a risk population, you might want to give a lactose-free diet a try. And please don't tell me you need milk to get calcium: just eat your broccoli, they're full of it too. Just another thing the industry never talks about.
I am not giving up blogging...
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Tuesday, 03 July 07 - 08:56 PM (GMT) By Marie D in Anything about Everything |
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...but I am going to have a very busy month of July. My friends at iVillage.com are doing their annual July-Write-a-Thon, and I have joined. The goal is towrite 50K words by the end of the month. I have chosen to write them all on a specific project, which does not leave me much time for writing about anything else.
Stay around, I will be back, hopefully with a winner certificate :-)
... More items are available in my News Archive
